Down the memory lane...

I've never tried to block out the memories of the past, even though some are painful. I don't understand people who hide from their past. Everything you live through helps to make you the person you are now.
On 28th Feb, I went back to get reco from my previous manager, you require to do all these crap formalities more than study, in the management admission process. Donno why! Whenever I go in that account, donno what happens, the place seems so familiar, so homely. Called Prasad to open the door. A flow of memories started ..down the line. Had nice chat with one of the juniors, and Divya. As usual with her marital problems, PG plans, and some light on current life.But we talked for long..Prasad interrupted finally..to let him also getr included in the discussion.."What is going on- cat,dog, rat?..what"...hahaha...then I took the prints..while the manager had arrived...He asked if the stuff was enough..It was more than..actually! Then I took his authorised signatory on the papers..and commended his signature. There it started...I guess I have an art of making poeple speak..talk their heart out...

I just happened to tell him that management is not my final aim, what I wanna achieve is something very different. I sometimes wonder how come I am letting all this out to my seniors, with no fear whatsoever. I did ..still! I told him I wanna go for civil services, work for my country. Whatever I saw in software is that we are no less than slaves, just the modern version of those ancient ancestors. We are not working for our country, our poeple..thats what bothers me. we have to adjust to their timings, their holidays, their schedules. Why? Because they are paying us..Is that a reason enough for us to get gruelled like this..and that too with no job satisfaction whatever. More than three quarters of the poeple in IT have no job satisfaction..I bet! Still we are just dragging...only for those idiot pounds and dollars...where are we going..! Leabve tis topic..I am again divulging!!! The point here to tell was that I talked all this to him. He agreed. Actually he was so impressed when I told him of civil services. He told that I was treading an utterly wrong path then."Your dreams are big..!" He remarked! Why not!! "Dreams are important; dreams work. Dreams and Thoughts ignite minds, Ignite the mind and you can ignite the entire world!"..(not me)..APJ!! We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they're called dreams. Future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams!

Then he told his entire history. How passionate he had been, while telling all this..I never knew he was such a learned person. We tend judge poeple by their outward appearance..as book by its cover, but never know that even this could lie beneath. Out he came with all knowledge, experiences of his past, his vacant years and what he thought and what was on the cards. But then we concluded that nothing went waste..and he will always have an edge over the others, than he knows somethings perhaps more than many others there...He coaxed to go and buy the NCERT books that day itself, make best use of my time in freepool, and devote to the dream fully. Also offered me to help as much as possible. People around started wondering what had engaged us for so long...it was the common aim...the common longing perhaps..which he wished to fulfill through me perhaps. He was actually sponsoring some guys back his hometown..that sounded so reasonable; I deciphered the worth that man carried, all this time when we took him so casually. Some people though they show casual, they aren't. That's what I learnt that day.

Out I came, Prasad came to talk with me. I practically take full control of his machine when I go there. Divya noticed that. But only to certain people you can be so near, so demanding, when the formalities in the relations vanish and you no longer care what he/she will think. Then you know you are very close..be it any relationship..I find him closer than my siblings..Tete-a-tete with him is always a fun! He showed me about his onsite, plans, 'search'...felt nice for him...Its being so nice to talk to the entire team..and especially when someone remembers you as a person..What else we have to achieve in life. People should remember you as a good human being is what counts..else everything is fake..I feel.
Even the DM wished me for the interview, I was surprised how she knew about it. Earlier I had thought she was saying it out of contempt, but when she turned bak and wished, I knew, she didn't mean that.


"There is so much life out here when you come"..my mgr had said...when I had being their for the Sankranti. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. It was a compliment..but more than that..its my pot of reminences..something beyond words, emotions..hard to describe..like a haunting catch..which traps you wherever you go...The record which winds and unwinds all past moments, I basked in!! When This is not making any sense ..I know..But to me it does..and its not the first time that I am getting this..Everytime I thank those indulged in making my life beautiful, in enriching me as a person, with all the unique experiences. A corner of the eye always turns to left side, and I display my longing for my seat out there..though the eyeballs stretch a little lefter still, only to notice that haunting corner, that side view with a deep face, eyes in the screen, hands playing drum on the desk and feet tapping!! Who knows!!

We can't go to the past and revisit it..So they made things, objects we could cherish, memory whick we can rewind an trod back to those lost moments in our dreams...if not reality..at least no one can snatch that joy..dreams are ours, solely.That is a different world when I go in trance, a virtual one; in which only I exist, and my dreams!! Interview was pretty ok..I was satisfied somehow ..lets see what is on the plate! I went searching my dream place, the one for which I lost my cell few days back...It was a village, off the city..so far,and that too in some unknown state, different language, so difficult to find out. All the way, I was walking ..sometime asking myself why am I doing all this..does this matter to my life? Will this turn out to be any reality...I didn't know the answer. The brain failed, still the feet knew they should do the job, they kept walking. I was in an unrelated, unknown world..anonymous identity. And I don't expect anything from this episode. By now I have become strong to hold all this. Nothing can break me now on. And believe me I never wetted pillows during this..amazing, I thought..that was really a growth. Life teaches you..so do experiences..

Ke Jab Ki Mujhko Bhi Ye Khabar Hai
Ke Tum Nahi Ho, Kahin Nahi Ho
Magar Ye Dil Hai Ke Keh Raha Hai
Ke Tum Yahi Ho, Yahin Kahin Ho

But why this haunting again...that I felt today. The "aboli" dress person...I can't see anyone in that except him. Also something around happens..related...I feel he is around..and my eyes waver...I seek him aound; though knowing he is not here, nowhere!
Also the other day, during the picnic on Sunday, off KP road, and then near the Kaveri banks, when a gang happened to play the "guitar" in those waters..when Som and me wondered, it would be the most fab thing to do on an outing, never thought of!! Then on, I could see no one except him...that's his sole propriety I feel, and I can't see anyone that way ..all through I thought the same.

Na jaane kyon, hota hai yeh zindagi ke saath
achanak ye man
kisi ke jaane ke baad, kare phir usiki yaad
chhoti chhoti si baat, na jaane kyon

Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.
-Kevin Arnold