Right Place, Right time...

I was reading a chapter in marketing today- integrating channels and advertising. This particular line struck me...and I started thinking, it's so much true, after all life is all about that. Actually I feel like most of the management subjects are connected with each other, most of them either talk about the contribution margins and the return on investment. What are doing with ourselves- taking as little risk as possible and expected the most out of it..low risk, high return strategy. In fact it can be said, most of the management's strategies are interlinked with life. Every person should do management in his/her life at least once. It teaches a lot about some things in life that we have taken for granted, removes certain misconceptions we have been carrying all way through.



Everything in life is predetermined , I feel. Destiny is there, I became a believer in destiny after a lot of deliberation, somethings which occur in life, which have no reasoning, somethings which are just there, without any logic. In meditation these days, I am getting a lot of answers to most of my questions...Its the karma; karma of your life that is heading you towards a particular thing or goal. When we start heading towards a particular goal, or work, its our karma which gets ys going. Just remember how many times in your life, you have done things just like that, you didn't really know exactly, why you behaved in a particular way or a particular manner.



The other day sir told a psychological case in meditation. I related myself to it so much. Most of his dictions I do relate to...this was something which I had really experienced. The case of a young lady, who falls who has a girlie crush over her brother-in-law while a walk on a trip. A walk in the woods, when most of their tastes match, aptitudes match. Sometimes, you just like someone, you just have no reasoning why are you getting attracted to that personality, when you know you have downright inhibitions which are going to prevent you from attain in the same. And then knowing that the thought was unethical, she wipes it off her mind ...though it penetrates into her mind deeper and deeper, is always in her subconscious thought. Her sister dies, few years down the line, and then st the same moment she feels that now that he is free she can marry him. Ohh !! such a dirty feeling, so unpious, she feels, She is ashamed of her thought again, knowing that this is not the way she should be thinking. But mind ...who can help....So there she tries harder to wipe it off the mind once again....She gets crippled, because of the same..Astounding?
doesn't it sound like that? Yes but sir, reasoned out, its because that she had those feelings when they met first and something had happened over the walk..the memory of the same, is haunting her...When she realizes the same, and let the crush go off, its then that her paralysis goes off..and she is back to normal..
So true, a story relating me to my past, remembering me of the sprain in my leg...yes I have experienced it !!! and it is not wonderful, not at all.
but these things happen, why no answer, but they do...they have to..!

The recent terrorist attacks in Mumbai, those 101 incorporeal souls and still countings, I wondered what they have done for they to be so mercilessly murdered. Sir had an answer for that. And I could relax my mind , only to learn that they are only paying off their karma, and we need not fill much about it.

Perhaps, they were just in the "Wrong place, wrong time... !!"

But then it doesn't mean either, that we just sit back and relax..destiny is written, but we have to read it also...

"The two most important requirements for major success are: first, being in the right place at the right time, and second, doing something about it"
-Ray Kroc, Mcdonalds ( one of the most popular management illustrations !!)

Projections and Relations

Why should others see me as they want to see...?
Why should I see myself in others...??
Why should people like and hate each other..???

All such questions do have an answer. The answer is projections. It was this point on which we lost our grades in the OB presentation. We gave all but this reason. OB presentation ..it is a different story to write about. We would have actually prepard a case on it...but just left the idea , just not to personalize things.

Sometimes I think why don't I write immediately after I feel. Yes..I should do that. Writing requires a lot of spontaneity. Getting the same mood to write about an incident is so difficult. Time passes, and so do emotions. And when you don't have enough emotions, the write-up turns out to be a blunt knife.

Day before yesterday, night actually. I felt so down, humiliated. Had a marketing case to do. I just sat mechanically throughout the entire discussion. Felt like telling my friend, to please excuse me that day. But I decided to hold on myself. Everyone has emotions, and you need to keep control on them. Venting out should be done at the right time, right place and in front of right person. So I came back to my room around 12.30 am. I banged and shut the door. Thank God my roomie was not there. Sometimes I believe God understands my need to be alone !! I put on the radio. It has been a coincidence for me or anything else you might call it as. But the radio plays the exact song , when I am in such troubled waters. ..Tadap tadap ke is dil se aah nikalti rahi..mujhko saja di pyar ki aisa kya gunha kiye..ki loot gaye........I changed..and I cried loudly, just like a kid. I washed my face, arranged the wardrobe, finished with my crunches, all with tears, hot and salty, and threw myself into bed. It had been months since I cried. The night before too, I had come after a hot discussion with him, it too had ended on such a serious note, and I felt good that I had finally gotten rid of what had happened. I just wanted him to know..know actually what the scene was..

Next morning he had surrendered. Wished me luck for exam and I thoguht the matter would end, we would talk something better over the the eve and be ready for an exhausting week ahead. But that was not destined to happen. Till the last minute things seemed pretty OK, but in the end we had flints. He said, "If you cant do even such a little thing for me, its ok, its end of topic then". Time and again , I had been convincing him , I would do but he cant force me into something I was never. The conversation again got heated up, I talked rude, and left...left only to be felt humilitated, insulted. I never had thought ever in my life , I would have to undergo this. All my life I had strived to preserve my sanctity, my space and my virtues. But I understood, now its just not being what I like, I do..but its being together..
At some points I do feel, its very natural of him to feel that way, to expect things from me, but then why was I hesitating...not to acknowledge the fact, but to commit..to commit for improvement. There was a certain flip side to the story as well.

What if I was not this..what if I was not that??? Can't you like somebody just like that? For no reason. Is there any need to have common thoughts, common goals, common physiques for people to bond togther. We can differ, right?? But no!! The society doesnt allow that. Everyone has a opinion for any damn thing you do in life. I do respect the foresaken rules of the society, and that if you need to live in society, you need to adapt by its principles and procedures. But why then life should become so cumbersome, if the societal rules were fair enough to everyone. If I am not expecting anyone to change, if I am accepting things as they are, then why can't people behave in the same manner towards me?? Why is it that only the fairer sex has to blend- for better or worse?? Why can't we be more assertive ?? I did that..I tried to be..but over the course I realized that I am losing on the relationship. And when you value the relation more than your principles, the objectivity and rationality gets clouded. I cried that day, only to prove this fact.

And look what I am doing now..I am striving to satisfy peoples' projections. To look as they want me to...to behave as they wish me too...Over the journey, I have realized that its a waste of time, striving hard to make others realize what you are and what you are not, to prove to othere your worth. Who are they to judge and who are they to decide?? everythingis a matter of relativity. Everything is relative to the place, people around, relative to time. Its just about being in the right place, at the time, and with the right people..everything else is nuts !! Hard for me to implement...yeasterday we patched up, of course he taking the initiative, and again I value my relation more ...

I advise though, in any relation , its imperative to find if you are liked as you are, or the projection you are displaying to continue the relation...
For the time being, I submit myself to the second option, but beware not always...



Just the beginning of the topic...!!!

Untouched.........

I felt the urge strongly to put this down. I like the silence in the mess when no one is around. I had gone early...wanted to enjoy my cup of tea...looking outside the window..with the trickles of drops...all the afternoon..I could the watch the rain from the library windows..it hadnt stopped all the afternoon.and seemed like it wont...I decided to get drenched all the way to the canteen...it wasn't far after all.
Silence is solace. It helps you to introspect so much. Staying away from the hustle and bustle of the city, it is a bliss in way. Though at times we curse for it..But being in the company of nature is truly a bliss. When I get up in the morning a cloudy sky awaits me...The farms around..the greenery calls me to strode in it...when I start for my walk, I feel the earth is ready to put on her show..a beautiful sight of the narrow main road over the horizon, Panchubhai getting ready for the day...his tea shop on both the sides..The security watchman greeting me..the maids sweeping the garden. Life hadn't asked for more.

The drops had something to say. They were telling something from yesterday..I was listening ..I was interpreting...something which my mind was constantly hinting at..Its amazing actually. Whatever you have to say, you feel, why the nature has to reciprocate the same feelings ..why you start interpreting in your own convenient ways...you take it for granted...all things happening around are happening for you..reflecting your mental state. I have to write an exam tomorrow..still I am writing this ...its been so strong..

Why did I say what I said ...and I am not at all sorry for that. I do not regret. Why had I to be so harsh to him ? Was it the subject itself..or was it the background that I carried days before..I had been possesive. Why relations make you so possesive ? I am trying to reason out. Why are relations so complex? What does a mere touch hold...a soothing touch ..a friendly touch...an ecstatic touch...and untouched !!! Should I be so possesive....And even if I shouldn't be, then even this thought is not satisfying.
I kept thinking even after talking to my closet friend. She convinced me for the moment and then even then I rolled back on the same issues. Why had I held back myself so long..why had I all this principles in the world? Why should I remain so abstained? Does that really count? Really matter? I know only belief matters..but does that mean just you say and that's over. How do you keep integrity?



Is it like the drops of water falling over the ground..so pristine ...so pure ..untouched...then losing its existence to the pond, losing its individuality and becomes one with it. Doesn't that count in a relation? Don't we have to have any protocols..I wish to be like the drops of water pristine and pure..untouched...and now at least if I expect the same from him..is it wrong? Why did I mix my emoitons...wanted to blurt out something else and it ended up in something else.

Diverse backgrounds..diverse values..long distance relationships...parenal pressures..how long am I stand this...why is life like this...I have stopped feeling bad and good about anything..nothing makes a difference now. Stopped feeling strongly about anything. I don't even know if what I did ..did it right? Or then had I any other option.

Why does life has to hold so many questions all at one moment? And why have you to just keep the faith going? With no foundations..imaginary bonds..all in the air.
Insecurity always remains...what if that bond gets broken...who has seen tomorrow ?


Any answers???

Infusing Young Blood in Indian Politics

A humorous quote by our former prime minister A.B.Vajpayee : " A politician is born at the age of 50, attains teenage at the age of 60, and becomes young at the age of 70". Right from the when our country became free, Indian politics is highly dominated by octogrerarain ministers, most of whom are still aspirants for the post of prime minister. With due reverence to their knowledge, work and experience earned over the years, I would still like to confrnt that to enable India accelerate yhe rate at which it is going around 9 p.a., India deserves a better young leadership. Aged personalities with their outdated visions and limited physical capabitlites can hardly pace up with the rate at which global economy is growing.

In the present cabinet of Union Ministers, as also in the state governments we are having lot of miministers and MPs like Rahul gandhi, Jyotiraditya Scindia, sachin Pilot, Priya dutt, Supriya sule, to mention a few, representing the fresh blood and fresh face of Indian political scenario. This advent is certainly a ray of hope of India's future. The youth brigade is armoured with highly qualifying degrees, from India or abroad and enriching work experience in their respective fields, is highly willing to take over the leadership of the nation. this picture is highly motivating and inspiring. young leaders have a broad vision, a novel positive outlook to look at things in the today's world, zeal to compete with the rapidly developing economy and long cherished dream to enable India as a well-developed nation down the line.

This has led to massive recruitment drive, seeking to draw in youth in politics across the country. Earlier politics was restricted to certain strata & sections of the society, but now the view by which an ordinary man looks at politics has undergone a substantial change. There is a hope that these young leaders will make the system more transparentand not m,erely work to enhance their votebanks; therby building a sense of trustin the commoners and strengthening the principle of democracy on which the indian government system is based.

At this point, I would like to mention that when on the global stage we have the US residential aspirant Obama, international leaders like Gordon Brown , Nicolas Sarzoky in their late 50s, back home, India will see a 37 year old Rahul pitting against an 82-year old Advani !! I feel the veterans should now take a back seat and let the reins of the government in the hands of the young blood, guiding them with thei8r experience.


After all, the age old adage goes..."New broom sweep well" !!!

*My speech at he interview of placecom in IMT

Gurukul ???

Hmmm...its been long since I am posting on this..
No no..that doesn't mean I had no time to write...Time I had lots...and matter also lots...so much had happend in life..and so much was in anticipation...Its like sometimes god gives you so much at a time...that you just don't know how to handle it all..so much joy..so much sorrow..But I had none..neither joy nor sorrow...just happening, incidents..one after the other... One thing is for sure...
In due course life gave me lot to ponder upon, lot to think on...experiences that will enrichen my life even further..

Leaving something in the hand, when you are not even sure you are going to get anything better..just on the intuition, the inner voice which tells ..go..get going..!!I was sure I was not going to stand the IT life any more..Not that it was bad..but it was not made for me..and the worst part is you cannot convince the society...something which is so abstract..so uncertain..you cannot ask the others to believe in you...why will they..or rather why should they..

But this was not exactly bothering me,somewhere deep down the mind, I was thoroughly sure, this will work out. I was so uninterested in seeking other jobs..did things just for doing its sake...finally after a long long wait things worked out...God's grace...and yes now I am here..

When you really want something to happen, the whole universe conspires so that your wish comes true.
- Alchemist

Why have I started liking this adage so much...no clue..but somehow I have become a staunch believer in this dictum.

Talking about the life over here, not much has been exhilarating. though I am satisfied with what I am doing, the work, the subjects...and the satiation of curious soul...other than that..everything is so incomplete...
The culture especially...very hard to get along...indigestible.In this secluded clean environment, I feel so alone..apart from the outer world, not that I was very social and outgoing, but still I find I am much beyond all this...something which these people have not understood, or perhaps not even thought of. I had alwasy this feeling in mind, something like you are much ahead of your times, your generation. People may label me as they wish..but its later they realise, something was striking, perhaps ahead of times.
I need to get adjusted to those, be flexible, humble.

With humility and love, flexibility becomes natural.

Expression: In order to be flexible we need to have the virtue of humility. With humility we will be willing to understand the people around and their behaviour. Then we will also be able to have love for them. This automatically brings flexibility within us.

Experience: When we come across people who are not being cooperative, we need to become humble and try to understand what the they are communicating, if not through words at least through their actions. When we are able to listen with love andunderstanding, we will no more be rigid but can easily adapt ourselves.

Professional education doesn't necessarily mean you lose the pious purpose of education alltogether. Just as in the OB class today ..we learnt ethics are much a part of business...and no one can stand long term unethically...hope these guys out here understand...

I have lot of hopes carryng, lot to achieve, not to prove to others, but to myself...
I will try my best !!!
Good Luck to me ....

Testing Times...

This wait is killing..I never waited this long even for my borad exams..my results..none. I feel as if I am neither on earth nor in the sky; somewhere in the middle, hanging with some parachute. I look at the terrain, I see valleys, if I happen to fall in any of those..life would be in the dark, loopholes and I guess I would nevr be able to get out of it anytime, and even if I do by that time I would have wasted most years of my life, and then my ambitions, destinations start appearing dull, blurred and distant journey. I wish I cling to this parachute some more..till someone catches hold of me..into their flight and takes me to the reuired destination. They say hope floats...how long!!

This is perhaps the most testing time in my life...most consuming. god has given me everything after a long wait. My love..a long wait..My Engg results ..a long wait..My board results much much a longer wait. Why all the good things in life come after waiting so much. But this waiting period is terrible... you lose all the patience you have everyday; Only to get up the next day..ask yourself what is in the basket for today; build up some more courage to endure the crunches that life will offer for the day and keep wondering with each sunset..alas one day is gone in the history. I don't know how many days of our lives we miss..spend with no reason..and at the end life is over.


I believe God gives us these moments only to realize his existence. The existence of the divinity. You have to answerable to hundred things..hundred people..for no reason. Do certain things..that you are damn sure are not going to help you in any way. But giving no excuses you have to do them..You know you are wasting time..again..and precious time of life. you got to be going somewhere..but you are stuck in here for no reason. God ..god please ...please help me come out of this dreaded predicament..they are killing me here..I wish top get out as early as possible..Sometimes you feel death would be better than this.

Yesterday (4th May) I went to the writer's meet. To my surprise, met an old colleague over there. He had left the organisation almost six months back...was working as a free-lance somewhere...good amount of guts I thought. What I had been thinking of... all these days..much to my surprise ..this guy is already upto it. Great Man.. ..only if I could have guts like him. These people are making my life from bad to worse.

And I know I have written the worst ever post of my life life..with no consistency whatsoever. I can't write worse than this... Let me stop at this !!!


Everything in life is temporary…
Darkness of the night or brightness of the day
Even sunrise is temporary… And so is sunset.
If things are going good enjoy it… It won’t last forever
And if things are going bad
Don’t worry coz it won’t last forever either.
Everything just passes by…

Insecurities and Self Conflict

I dont know what is going in my life. Feel like isolating myself from the rest of the world, tracing a lonely path away from this crowded place. What I am right now...what is my identity.just lost in the flow..with no stint of myself. Everytime I go for lunch, get out of the bus, go to the market...a huge mass of people mesmerizes me. I feel I am no one, just a drop of the ocean...least countable. My existence hardly affects anyone..all are just said and dones over here. No one accountable in true sense. This is a tremendous feeling of insecurity when you feel you aren't bound to anyone, no one is having any control on you, neither are you having any hold on anything in particular. No strings attached perhaps....



This period of life is the worst- when nothing much concrete is happening, life is on hold waiting for something to happen...not even sure it will happen or not; and then you have to unnecessarily answer thousand people for nothing. You don't owe anything to them, and most of them are not even your well-wishers. But just that you have to answer. God knows for what. I think sometimes, how better the world would be if everyone starts minding their own business. People are least interested in watching out what is happening in their own lives than intriguing in someone else's. Whom do we live for..for ourselves ..or for the society? What are our obligations to the crowd around us. Most of the the things, many of us do are for just the society's sake..Most of us fear..what people will say..How the hell does it matter?..I debate. Who comes at your rescue in your predicaments, your failures...then why should we be so answerable, so responsible to them..huhh...this has eaten lot a brain out of me.

Its even worse when even the near and dear ones fail to interprete you, and you have nothing to explain your situation to them. they want to get rid of their responsibilities, pretend everything is going far and fine..when nothing is actually so..just for the public display."Every day cannot be a Sunday"..they need to understand. Nowadays, I have just left convincing anyone about myself, my deeds. Let them think the hell of me..who cares? I am definitely not answerable, obligeable to anyone..except for me..myself..my conscience. and as long as it tells me that I am doing the right, the comments just remain passers in my way..You notice and leave, or else don't notice..the better. Its not that I am not open to criticism, not able to defend myself. But I am really tired being able to stand for each and every action of mine..when each one demands an explaination. Be quiet, stay calm..introspect and let go. Thats the mantra of the day. Its hard to sustain in this world otherwise. I believe.

You meet so many people around, spend time with them..only to know that this is going no where...you are just losing out a part of yourself, your life to take things to the mire. You know each one out there is having some purpose, there is just going to be another give and take. Being accepted as you are would be perhaps another nightmare, you need to be flexible, to mould hundred times, all for things that you consider least worthy, all for people who least mean to you. There is always a conflict between the theory and reality.


Tujhse naraz nahi zindagi hairan hun main hooo hairan hun main
tere masoom sawalon se pareshan hun main pareshan hun main
jeene ke liye socha hi nahi dard sambhalne honge
muskuraye to muskurane ke karj utarne honge
muskuraon kabhi to lagta hai,jaise hoton pe karj rakha hai
tujhse naraaz nahin……
aaj agar bhar aayi hai boonden baras jaayengi
kal kya pata inke liye, ankhe taras jaayengi
jaane kab gum hua kaha khoya ek aasun chupa ke rakha tha

But again its me..and again I decide to hold..to hold on..have patience with myself, and my surroundings.


Life gives answers in three ways:
It says yes and gives what you want;
It says no and gives you something better;
It says wait and gives you the best.

Down the memory lane...

I've never tried to block out the memories of the past, even though some are painful. I don't understand people who hide from their past. Everything you live through helps to make you the person you are now.
On 28th Feb, I went back to get reco from my previous manager, you require to do all these crap formalities more than study, in the management admission process. Donno why! Whenever I go in that account, donno what happens, the place seems so familiar, so homely. Called Prasad to open the door. A flow of memories started ..down the line. Had nice chat with one of the juniors, and Divya. As usual with her marital problems, PG plans, and some light on current life.But we talked for long..Prasad interrupted finally..to let him also getr included in the discussion.."What is going on- cat,dog, rat?..what"...hahaha...then I took the prints..while the manager had arrived...He asked if the stuff was enough..It was more than..actually! Then I took his authorised signatory on the papers..and commended his signature. There it started...I guess I have an art of making poeple speak..talk their heart out...

I just happened to tell him that management is not my final aim, what I wanna achieve is something very different. I sometimes wonder how come I am letting all this out to my seniors, with no fear whatsoever. I did ..still! I told him I wanna go for civil services, work for my country. Whatever I saw in software is that we are no less than slaves, just the modern version of those ancient ancestors. We are not working for our country, our poeple..thats what bothers me. we have to adjust to their timings, their holidays, their schedules. Why? Because they are paying us..Is that a reason enough for us to get gruelled like this..and that too with no job satisfaction whatever. More than three quarters of the poeple in IT have no job satisfaction..I bet! Still we are just dragging...only for those idiot pounds and dollars...where are we going..! Leabve tis topic..I am again divulging!!! The point here to tell was that I talked all this to him. He agreed. Actually he was so impressed when I told him of civil services. He told that I was treading an utterly wrong path then."Your dreams are big..!" He remarked! Why not!! "Dreams are important; dreams work. Dreams and Thoughts ignite minds, Ignite the mind and you can ignite the entire world!"..(not me)..APJ!! We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they're called dreams. Future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams!

Then he told his entire history. How passionate he had been, while telling all this..I never knew he was such a learned person. We tend judge poeple by their outward appearance..as book by its cover, but never know that even this could lie beneath. Out he came with all knowledge, experiences of his past, his vacant years and what he thought and what was on the cards. But then we concluded that nothing went waste..and he will always have an edge over the others, than he knows somethings perhaps more than many others there...He coaxed to go and buy the NCERT books that day itself, make best use of my time in freepool, and devote to the dream fully. Also offered me to help as much as possible. People around started wondering what had engaged us for so long...it was the common aim...the common longing perhaps..which he wished to fulfill through me perhaps. He was actually sponsoring some guys back his hometown..that sounded so reasonable; I deciphered the worth that man carried, all this time when we took him so casually. Some people though they show casual, they aren't. That's what I learnt that day.

Out I came, Prasad came to talk with me. I practically take full control of his machine when I go there. Divya noticed that. But only to certain people you can be so near, so demanding, when the formalities in the relations vanish and you no longer care what he/she will think. Then you know you are very close..be it any relationship..I find him closer than my siblings..Tete-a-tete with him is always a fun! He showed me about his onsite, plans, 'search'...felt nice for him...Its being so nice to talk to the entire team..and especially when someone remembers you as a person..What else we have to achieve in life. People should remember you as a good human being is what counts..else everything is fake..I feel.
Even the DM wished me for the interview, I was surprised how she knew about it. Earlier I had thought she was saying it out of contempt, but when she turned bak and wished, I knew, she didn't mean that.


"There is so much life out here when you come"..my mgr had said...when I had being their for the Sankranti. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. It was a compliment..but more than that..its my pot of reminences..something beyond words, emotions..hard to describe..like a haunting catch..which traps you wherever you go...The record which winds and unwinds all past moments, I basked in!! When This is not making any sense ..I know..But to me it does..and its not the first time that I am getting this..Everytime I thank those indulged in making my life beautiful, in enriching me as a person, with all the unique experiences. A corner of the eye always turns to left side, and I display my longing for my seat out there..though the eyeballs stretch a little lefter still, only to notice that haunting corner, that side view with a deep face, eyes in the screen, hands playing drum on the desk and feet tapping!! Who knows!!

We can't go to the past and revisit it..So they made things, objects we could cherish, memory whick we can rewind an trod back to those lost moments in our dreams...if not reality..at least no one can snatch that joy..dreams are ours, solely.That is a different world when I go in trance, a virtual one; in which only I exist, and my dreams!! Interview was pretty ok..I was satisfied somehow ..lets see what is on the plate! I went searching my dream place, the one for which I lost my cell few days back...It was a village, off the city..so far,and that too in some unknown state, different language, so difficult to find out. All the way, I was walking ..sometime asking myself why am I doing all this..does this matter to my life? Will this turn out to be any reality...I didn't know the answer. The brain failed, still the feet knew they should do the job, they kept walking. I was in an unrelated, unknown world..anonymous identity. And I don't expect anything from this episode. By now I have become strong to hold all this. Nothing can break me now on. And believe me I never wetted pillows during this..amazing, I thought..that was really a growth. Life teaches you..so do experiences..

Ke Jab Ki Mujhko Bhi Ye Khabar Hai
Ke Tum Nahi Ho, Kahin Nahi Ho
Magar Ye Dil Hai Ke Keh Raha Hai
Ke Tum Yahi Ho, Yahin Kahin Ho

But why this haunting again...that I felt today. The "aboli" dress person...I can't see anyone in that except him. Also something around happens..related...I feel he is around..and my eyes waver...I seek him aound; though knowing he is not here, nowhere!
Also the other day, during the picnic on Sunday, off KP road, and then near the Kaveri banks, when a gang happened to play the "guitar" in those waters..when Som and me wondered, it would be the most fab thing to do on an outing, never thought of!! Then on, I could see no one except him...that's his sole propriety I feel, and I can't see anyone that way ..all through I thought the same.

Na jaane kyon, hota hai yeh zindagi ke saath
achanak ye man
kisi ke jaane ke baad, kare phir usiki yaad
chhoti chhoti si baat, na jaane kyon

Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.
-Kevin Arnold

The God "In" Small Things...

This caption sounds interesting. I had always tried to relate this to the novel after reading it...somehow I couldn't; the story and the caption seem far-fetched..so I thought of twisting and modifying and use it in my way in my own contexts. I am too naive to comment on the great piece of literature though. Somehow the what I write here relates to previous thread, like an extension of the previous topic. It has happened in most of my writings, I am aware; mainly because I tend to think further on the same subject; find my solutions to the problems harped on, myself, and make a better picture out of the situation, for myself.


So I was discussing as stated previously, about the mess of life and the quest to find an eternal answer to the dilemma. The answer is well within ourselves, within myself at least, I think. to narrate a small incident here..today I was telling my friend, that I am very happy. she asked the reason. I didn't give a second thought while replying her back."I finally got the ginger-garlic paste that I had been earching for over two months"...She sighed.."Ohh..this made you happy?"..."Why not? I had told you before I have hunting for it in practically all Grocery malls i my locality, I would find a separate ginger one and a garlic one, not a combined one that I desire..and found it finally..so is this not a reason!" I exclaimed. She came back, "The separate packets would have served the same purpose when put together...you were too patient to find the combination..some times you should compromise".."Nops! never what a combination tastes never will give out the same flavour as a the individuals, and you know me better, I am not the one who will settle for something inferior!", I gave back! Did I mean the same? Yes in a way I did, and did not. Did because I really don't go for any fashions, any quality, any thing for that purpose, when I know what I want exactly, the picture is inmy eyes. And No because I meant to say I try to find joy in small, minute things, that will not sound reasonable to some, though they mean a lot to me..Am I sounding peevish?


I don't know why..but some little things give me utter pleasure, and bring a broad smile to my face,"A big stupid smile that lasts long"..like Harini describes..Yes ..its just like that. A friend asked today..so whats the plan tomorrow. "Cleaning, Washing, Cooking....what else do you want!"..It sounded dull to him...but I really enjoy doing all this. I like to see my clothes drying on the clothes-line. After washing them, I like to wrinse them properly, drain all water out, and put them on the line. The whole three lines in our aunti's compound, full of my clothes..all colours, red, blue, yellow, green, pink, black, white...such a beautiful scene, I sit under the coconut tree and watch them dry, then I look at the coconut braches from the bottom, amazingingly circular space between the fruit and the branches, birds chirping around(though Bangalore has very few of them!), the otta on which I wash clothes..its just a pleasure to wash. I also enjoy conversation with auntie...even she is seeking someone to talk to, I feel. she finds pleasure in opening her mind out that times..and I feel happy for the same. Mom used to tell me this before. I realize it now. We had a lesson in our 5th class, wherein a Grannie tells her grandson, why she talks to her utensils, treats them as humans, cares them and scolds them..They are the part of her own world, a restricted space which is her's and only her's..and no one in the world dare touch it, snacth it away from her. Sometimes, I remember when I used to handle things improperly, Mom used to say.."I care more for my things than you people, for they will never betray me, ans serve me till end." I used to get angry, and then she used to console..but yes, it was so true..so correct!!


The other day I had to go to office on Sat..Asked Pallavi what she was planning for breakfast, told her that will be making "pohe" and she could have with me and we will make it together, but "Let me finish with the clothes first".."No issues" she said. Then suddenly she came up,"Ok..anyway I am not going anywhere, so better I make, meanwhile you complete your washing!" Not a bad idea. I finished washing, got ready for office, while she called out to have breakfast. Pohe were really tasty not only because she had made them nicer, but also for she had understood the need of the hour. I felt as though Mom had prepared the breakfast and I am leaving for college..I went back to those days, it was a drizzling cloudy day..first rains of the year..9th feb..I felt so beautiful..so touched. What else do you demand from life..Such an immense sense of gratitude, of content..of pleasure!! I couldn't ask for more..!!


I also learnt the French plat art from her..and am displaying it proudly all around today...with she knowing that it will definitely be there in the blog the very next day!!...Somethings can happen only with certain poeple...she is always there to wake me up if late, to open the door, when back home..donno I feel somehow very associated with her, ..with Anitha..life could not have been better than this...at present moment.

I recollect a the nobel laurette Sir Tagore's line in one of his compositions.."I went on and on ..travelled the world over..and admired the beauty of all the wonders of the world...But when I opened my door today, I discovered how mean I was, when I failed to notice the pulchritude of a tiny dew drop on a little flower on a herb in my garden...!!" Awesome this line was! I wish I never miss on this small moments of delectation in life...


Life can't wait..So live it to the fullest...


(To be continued...!)

Life In A Metro...

What is the most convenient thing that people, especially ladies will resort to in free time..Gossiping! Its generally a favourite pass time, when one is thoroughly perplexed over how to kill time. These days I am having ample of it. Life was never so dull, so lengthy before. Its pace seems to have slowed down;but I hate this, everytime when I ask myself by the end of the day, before closing my eyes- What did I achieve today?...Was I a better human being today, than yesterday's? And when my conscience answers in negative, it pricks me; and I scorn myself over the mistakes committed throughout the day, and promise that they won't get repeated. I ponder over the new things, thoughts, poeple, places I had encountered in the entire day. This practice has been going on for years by now, and I never have to give a second thought for this now-a-days.

A day or two before me and two of my lady colleagues had a nice chat in the discussion rom. Nops, it was not about work. Now everyone knows by experience, that when the fairer sex chats for hours together, it has never to be related to work,(not even a fake possibility !) So to say, we were chatting about the most interesting topic- lifestyle!! One married lady asked me,(that to out of the blue), "Do you drink?" I was taken aback...!!! My God! Do I look like that..I expressed the same."What has that got to do with the appearance? Now most gals do, don't they?" she retorted. Then she went ends together with how she goes to the pubs, discos with her hubby, drinks, night life and experiences there. She was blowing trumpets how she had being a village girl, now totally transformed into a cosmopolitan woman. Very Good!! I exclaimed. This has been an exponential rate of progress..that too within a span of no less than two years.

The other girl listening to all this stuff, was not so much surprised as I was- though she refrained from all this, but had duly witnessed certain situations the former lady had mentioned. Well she knew all things that go round, it was her brother who used to keep her updated with all the news. Then she had her part of experiences, and those that she described I felt what is picturized on the silver screen is far much lesser and decent than the crap she was telling. All Page3 stuff; experiences at work from the male counterparts, abusive languages and signs, disgusting advances and all that...My God! "this really happens...? I thought its just projected stuff". "Are yeh to bachhi nikali, ise to kuch bhi pata nahi"
"But why it never happened to me?"I questioned. "Kyun ki tu bahut khadus lagati hai !"she remarked.

Ohh..did I, really? I started introspecting myself. So whatever I am, am I so called underdeveloped, unpolished, devour of all the urban life? Why don't I feel like doing all this? What is stopping me? Pune and Bangalore are pretty same. Not much difference...so what was the difference? I never felt any urge, any need to indulge in these kind of things any way. I don't believe in yielding to any societal pressures, neither to I feel any necessity to pave by the social tabboos and stigmas, to folow the same paths which they I have labelled to be so called lifestyle. There is no lifestyle for me. I believe in following my own takes, devoid of any comments from whosoever.

Does life really change when someone comes from a village to a metro."In Rome, do as Romans do", they say. But do we really need to bend our principles, our values just to abide by the so called societal formalities. I don't see so. I will be the same wherever, whensoever, I go. I will never sacrifice my basic faiths in life for any company, any city, any person in my life-come what may. What is the person, who succumbs to peer presures, loses himself in achieving something, at the end of which he realizes he has attained a big "Zero". Life is too precious for that. I nurture my roots, and object to everything that go againt them. The veteran writer Shobha De quotes, "Mastering English does not necessarily mean becoming one"!!

To narrate another story here, back in my undergraduation days, I met Anagha- short dusky town girl, from Alibag, who had come to Poona with big dreams in her eyes. The only daughter of her parents, Anagha was quite startled with life and the people in her surroundings. She had some basic presumptions in life; no issues, it was not her fault, the way and the surroundings in which she was brought up. I consoled her for all the crisis she had undergone, supported her, and made her realize that her thinking was not wrong. Its the world which is blinded by false notions of pride and prejudices. The Laws of Nature are the same everywhere. God treats everyone in the same fashion, with no partialities, so she need not worry and keep things in her own way. She was convinced for the moment. Was thankful to me, had wrote touching letters to me, before leaving for the vacations.(those I still cherish)..but somehow time didn't help. She got a couple of subjects down that year, and the following year she lost completely. I went to meet her after that. She was astonished to find that I had come out of the way only to meet her. "You seem to be a changed person"..I asserted. She came back with an amazing line "Life teaches you everything dear, when I see my batch-mates proceeding further, when you sit at home alone; then you can't sit harping on the same string, but have to mend with the ways of the world". Life had changed her. No longer could I find the same old Anagha. She had surrendered herself to life, to the things around, only to be along with the world. Now she has a good job and thinks she changed for good. Ask me, honestly, she had paid the price of her own loss.

In my childhood, even I used to wonder, what it would be like in a big city, in a big world, big people, how things work on a massive scale.....only to find at this stage ..every thing is mean, too small than what I had imagined. Ironically people are planning big aims and games, in that fight losing the things they already possess. Fighting for life, but ignoring that life is already out of hands in the struggle. "A bird in hand is better than one in bush". I remember the Pardes dialogue wherein the heroine laments when asked how she finds it in the US, "Sab kuch hai;...kuch bhi nahi...." So true, so real!!At this point of time, I remember the famous illustration of Prof. Shivajirao Bhosale, a great orator and philosopher,"In the quest of the speices inhabiting on the neighbour of Mother Earth (Mars!), we forget that we don't know the name of them with whom we share a common wall with!!"

Quite Paradoxial..are these bad bad ways of the good good world !!

"Ek pal hai zindagi, ek pal kuch bhi nahi;
Kaheka gum kaisi khushi;
Khadi akena ek ghadi..!!"

The Jungle Of Civilization

This was a beautiful piece in one of the magazines( Frozen Thoughts! )that I read today morning. Beautiful idea expressed in a very simplistic and subtle language. Of a grandfather and a grandson...and how this grandpa awakens his grandson to the dawn of enlightenment,of life. To be concise, the grey headed rural fellow tells the lad asimple secret of life: "Might is right is the rule of the jungle, of animals; Man goes a step ahead and deliberates..even the lesser mighty have their rights in human race...So the prime duty of us is to do as much as we can and soothe the feelings of people around, in a way to contribute to humanity..". Sounds logical...doesn't it?

Back to me...Presently, somehow it was very difficult for me to bind up all the ideas and experiences under one title. I thought if I couldn't do justice to all these feelings at one go..under one roof..but this title struck, I found this convincing enough for all the happenings in the recent past. Before that I just remembered the chaptor No. 1 that we had in class X in the English text. I don't recollect the title, though I remember it had got to do with spreading the happiness and a feeling of belonging all around. It was about a common man like you and me; spreading a sense of felicity all over to the people he met, through his petty kind deeds and words...lessons like these always touched my heart, and used to keep reading them on and on, to get deeper into those, find the hidden context, to read between lines, exactly what the author has to convey. Sorry Mom, I never topped the merit list, neither could stand out in the "Our pride" boards displayed at the school. But I guess I learnt lessons for life, perhaps some board rankers might not recollect the lessons they had revised days and months together to grab a positon in the state - toppers. Pardon again Mom, I could never realize your dream of making it, but I believe you have taught, there is a lot of difference in being a literate and in being an educated human being, the former nourishes the corpse, the later- the soul, the mind and in turn life.

So going back to the point I want to mention explicitly, I had few instances which made me feel ..yes I am actually doing that. I thanked myself, my knowledge and my inert sensation, by the bliss of which I was able to sense all this.

(To be continued....)

All but Numbers !!

Scorching sun, this February afternoon, and we were walking down to our towers after lunch. Anitha and me...Vatsala auntie(I fear to call her by single name! ..though many of my colleagues have told that I should do so..because I am just not comfortable with that idea..she being my Mom's age!)found her way to the bank behind the office. We strolled till Anithas's tower counting things that life had to offer during the weekend; her family..mine..and the problems associated. With a heavy heart left for the work, she to her and me to mine. Walking down few steps Vatsala auntie came and patted me, I was quite astonished to find her back so early, or were we talking so long..time flew it seemed!!

The she came up with the entire story of the work she had. She had locked her account by forgetting the PIN no. at the ATM. She had requested for it and got the same processed.Ohh..that was it! I wondered; So many PIN nos., passwords, account nos, driviling license no., PAN no., house no.,employee no., what all and what not! Then I really wondered, what place - a mentally-ill person or a person terrifically struck with tragedy in life, got blank somehow - at all had in this world full of numbers; she agreed; said its as good as been dead. Then she validated the point by exemplary illustration of the US Security system wherein if one does not get oneself enrolled in there, its just analogous with one not existing at all; If not all is over then, we have that mobile company 'idea'- wherein each one of the group is refered by a mobile no; "what an idea Sirji"!!We are all but numbers ..she lamented!! (I duly thanked her, there and then for giving me this caption!)


I just reminded her, of some time back when we had a good laugh over the mechanisation and the thorough computer literates that we all had become. We were just using the computer terminology for very simple things in life. The other day I was telling her about the girl who had got locked in the restroom in the dormetry; and how I rescued her. No big deal; but felt sorry for that girl and again for myself along with the entire human race; she expressed my emotions in one precise phrase- "loss of human touch" she was humourous; "what should be done in such kind of emergencies? Log a call in the HRweb/Raise a request/Goto a question of answers/Search in FAQs..????what? " ..So true. she had put it exactly.


Taking liberty of divulging from the topic, I dont know how come I take pleasure in the company of matured people. Some-one of her age, or the friend I made at the German class, or Anitha(though 1-yr senior to me!!..she has enough maturity)..or even before- the college times when I used to enjoy with the aged Physicist and go round with my lecturers and seniors rather than wasting time on the 'kuttas' with a group of friends. I always seek fulfillment and comfort in older, senior people; don't know why..perhaps..they called me 'grannie' in school too! I never minded!!

Coming back to where I left, I conclude- the human touch is lost, though not entirely, but on the verge of annhilation. I worry we don't call each other by numbers as shown in the advertisement! "what's is their in name?"..the lord of literature Shakespeare quoted! though true; I feel that's what make us humans; or for that matter living things..Or if not, then why is it that a toddler often refrains from uttering its name to some stranger- I guess when it utters its name, it feels as if it is giving out a part of itself. Yes we are all abstract creatures and I believe our names hold the most of us...!! Something which cannot be measured in NUMBERS !!


"Prisoners of their own device do not really deserve names;
Long live the rebels!!!"

Misty Mornings

Monday morning was unique in its own way. Dark heavy mist filled the environment. No scope whatsoever to see even some five metres ahead of you. People in heavy jackets and jerkins moving around to cach the pace of the day. Public buses and vehicles finding their way out of the blurring mist. I was so hard to see...even I thought my bus is going to go and bump into something..The driver's skill was put to test ..I thought! Also I noticed people blowing a volume of water-vapour when they talked, and then...rolled back into the olden days..when life was so carefree...taken granted!

I recalled my school days, those wintry mornings, when Mom used to get me ready for school. Rising awake in winter was a big trauma of life then, ..still it continues. Pobably when you know there is no way out, you try to accept things they are, and the severity reduces perhaps,..then!! When you can't change something, the greatest wisdom of life lies in accepting it ..as it is. Simpleat lesson of life; learnt then. The daily routine was a Herculean task , especially washing he mouth and face in the cold water. I am too lazy to use hot water for it..just keep on rememmbering how mom used to do that for me...and urge me to use the same...life was a bliss..then! The hot-water bath ...with shivers from the wind outside, is a memorable experience. Mom and Pop kept on shouting while I used to take the bath, so that I do not catch cold; and most importantly not miss the bus!Getting ready for the school with hot-tiffin that I always used to keep on my lap for the heat that it provided to my shivering body-was always a fun. Me being a cold-blooded animal(used sarcastically!), Mumma used to take care that no part of my body is left uncovered.Yes...Life was a bliss ..for sure!!Off, I used to be to school, after that!At school the morning prayer, the assembly, the P.T. drill (which I always like to be missed!)and the disciplinary check..then we used to be in classes on the those ice-cold iron benches, when the cold chill used to run down the spine! I remember then we in group of friends, used to find fun when we used to chatter and the warm vapour bleww out of mouths; as if we smoked!

Life is same, winters are same, mornings are same, mists are same;somewhat dense though! huhh..Now also the same rising up, same timings, same baths, same exercises, ....but; not the same place, not the same destination, not the same journey, not the same people, and most significantly not the same tender age. That matters!...the most!! "If Wishes were horses; Beggars would ride..!!" So true!


One would definitely corelate the beginning of the year filled with mist..at such point of time.As the day gears up, mist vanishes slowly only to make the environment more clear. On the same lines, the beginning months of the year, are somewhat dark, dense; less predictable, and when the days proceed, one starts getting the feeling the pace of life, when one realizes what life has to offer..in then!!!

Do I relate this to people ??? when we meet them they are like mists, less comprehensible, unpredictable, unperceptible; but when time passes by, the dense mist disappears, and we discover the true heart that lies beneath..that's how relationships grow, prosper..and become clear, more clear!!

We feel the mist is gone..does it really..in true terms..or does it ..never???




Misty mornin', don't see no sun;
I know you're out there somewhere having fun.
There is one mystery - yea-ea-eah - I just can't express:
To give your more, to receive your less.
One of my good friend said, in a reggae riddim,
"Don't jump in the water, if you can't swim."
The power of philosophy - yea-ea-eah - floats through my head
Light like a feather, heavy as lead;
Light like a feather, heavy as lead, yeah.

-Bob Marley