The Quarter Life Crisis....
Life is a myriad ..I feel! A dense clouding of situations hovering over your head all the time. And only situations...with no solutions at all. And am I the only one thinking this way ...nops..! Interestingly all my colleagues and friends are in the same, one and only .."dilemma".... It feels like life is ahead in front of you..asking .."what's more?...what are you doing with me?...Are you supposed to waste me like this?"..And then you don't have an answer. Most of us are caught in this trap.."Knowing not what to do.!".
Apparantly, we have nothing less in lives. Enough money for the daily bread, making the two ends meet, and some more, to chill out. Who says life's bad? One might say it's exactly all what is required for a respectful exisence on this planet. But I wonder is that all...For the past two weeks, hardly am I able to understand what is going on in my life. As though I have lost control of it altogether, just going with the flow, carrying out the mundane tasks, without any special attachment, just monotonous, and when I ask myself, what else do you want.."Nothing !" ...pops out as the answer. It feels that there is a vacuum ...a terrible 'void' filled up in the entire life. Like the black holes, from which even light cannot escape. Some gravity pull has the thoughts eloping in the terrible void of mind...and I find no connectivity between one thought and the subsequent one...and sometimes even worse...they just refuse to come..leaving the mind utterly blank..and then I pinch myself ...am I alive???
The other day, a friend called me up, we had nothing to talk, I was just wandering why he called, and he too over the same. There was a disturbing silence, on both the sides. Then he promised to call the next day, and signed off...after sometime he messaged, "Sorry yar, was tired...so.....!" I reprimanded back (donno why!).."Nops, you are not tired ...you are bored!..You don't know what to do with your life"...came back the reply, "Yeah, as usual, you are right!". Huhh! Such a contrast!..I thought, I was advising someone over something, I was caught in myself. What right I had ? We are all caught in some or the other problems, more or less the same, with indefinite solutions !! Someone has got onsite opportunities but not willing to go, someone has lucrative opportunity in some big deal, but not willing to take, others pulling their hair out on social phenomema that control your life- marriage and the incessant hunt for a suitable partner, and the remaining few like me waiting for life to take its turn. On the whole, we are hanging...with a sword dangling on our heads.
Half of the population around me is entangled in the same trance. The other half, I envy, hasn't got the time to ponder over! So am I having more time...am I not busy enough to leave these thoughts to hell and get on with life..they say empty mind is evil's workshop...I wished I could at least play the 'Devil'!. I am sorry readers, I have not written this piece of write-up for any divine intervention, neither to entertain myself or the others, its just my vent of emotions, a vent that would help me feel better. I am not craving for anything either, there are no strong emotions. I see people around me accomplishing and achieving, building success edifices. And I see myself a tiny dot in front of them. I consider myself a tiny drop of water in front of the Pacific...It belittles me. "Nothing succeeds like success". But success has highly eluded me..I feel; excuse me..though..what do I go and mean by "Success"? A highly relative term in itself. Where to start and where to stop? How much is enough and how much is more than sufficient...no definitions! Life had never been so subjective before.
For the past couple of weeks, I hadn't kept good health, are all these thoughts in consequence with that...Perhaps, yes..or perhaps...really there is a vacuum, a crisis at this age. An emotional insecurity, too hard to decipher! Am I expecting too much from myself, am I gruelling myself for no reason. Am I living in an illusionary world, far removed from reality...as 'he' pointed out..Is it? ..Is it true?..Still the thought that I am not alone consoles.."Misery loves company !"
Sometimes the man is not faulty...his age is...they say!
The following article by Anonymous author best explains my state of mind. Handed over to me by my senior on her farewell:
It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.
You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.
You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.
One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.
You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while wining the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
But I want to escape out of this trance as early as possible.I want to go out and breathe in the open air, I want to fly in the open space, I want to break all the shackles that life puts on...Yes , I am getting this feeling, though not strong enough, still plenty for me to survive...to survive ..yet another day!
"Call it a quarter life crisis... or just a stirring in my soul" --John Mayer
Apparantly, we have nothing less in lives. Enough money for the daily bread, making the two ends meet, and some more, to chill out. Who says life's bad? One might say it's exactly all what is required for a respectful exisence on this planet. But I wonder is that all...For the past two weeks, hardly am I able to understand what is going on in my life. As though I have lost control of it altogether, just going with the flow, carrying out the mundane tasks, without any special attachment, just monotonous, and when I ask myself, what else do you want.."Nothing !" ...pops out as the answer. It feels that there is a vacuum ...a terrible 'void' filled up in the entire life. Like the black holes, from which even light cannot escape. Some gravity pull has the thoughts eloping in the terrible void of mind...and I find no connectivity between one thought and the subsequent one...and sometimes even worse...they just refuse to come..leaving the mind utterly blank..and then I pinch myself ...am I alive???
The other day, a friend called me up, we had nothing to talk, I was just wandering why he called, and he too over the same. There was a disturbing silence, on both the sides. Then he promised to call the next day, and signed off...after sometime he messaged, "Sorry yar, was tired...so.....!" I reprimanded back (donno why!).."Nops, you are not tired ...you are bored!..You don't know what to do with your life"...came back the reply, "Yeah, as usual, you are right!". Huhh! Such a contrast!..I thought, I was advising someone over something, I was caught in myself. What right I had ? We are all caught in some or the other problems, more or less the same, with indefinite solutions !! Someone has got onsite opportunities but not willing to go, someone has lucrative opportunity in some big deal, but not willing to take, others pulling their hair out on social phenomema that control your life- marriage and the incessant hunt for a suitable partner, and the remaining few like me waiting for life to take its turn. On the whole, we are hanging...with a sword dangling on our heads.
Half of the population around me is entangled in the same trance. The other half, I envy, hasn't got the time to ponder over! So am I having more time...am I not busy enough to leave these thoughts to hell and get on with life..they say empty mind is evil's workshop...I wished I could at least play the 'Devil'!. I am sorry readers, I have not written this piece of write-up for any divine intervention, neither to entertain myself or the others, its just my vent of emotions, a vent that would help me feel better. I am not craving for anything either, there are no strong emotions. I see people around me accomplishing and achieving, building success edifices. And I see myself a tiny dot in front of them. I consider myself a tiny drop of water in front of the Pacific...It belittles me. "Nothing succeeds like success". But success has highly eluded me..I feel; excuse me..though..what do I go and mean by "Success"? A highly relative term in itself. Where to start and where to stop? How much is enough and how much is more than sufficient...no definitions! Life had never been so subjective before.
For the past couple of weeks, I hadn't kept good health, are all these thoughts in consequence with that...Perhaps, yes..or perhaps...really there is a vacuum, a crisis at this age. An emotional insecurity, too hard to decipher! Am I expecting too much from myself, am I gruelling myself for no reason. Am I living in an illusionary world, far removed from reality...as 'he' pointed out..Is it? ..Is it true?..Still the thought that I am not alone consoles.."Misery loves company !"
Sometimes the man is not faulty...his age is...they say!
The following article by Anonymous author best explains my state of mind. Handed over to me by my senior on her farewell:
It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.
You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.
You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.
One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.
You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while wining the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
But I want to escape out of this trance as early as possible.I want to go out and breathe in the open air, I want to fly in the open space, I want to break all the shackles that life puts on...Yes , I am getting this feeling, though not strong enough, still plenty for me to survive...to survive ..yet another day!
"Call it a quarter life crisis... or just a stirring in my soul" --John Mayer
Labels: Copyright ©2007 : Priya
posted by Priya | 1:35 PM
|
0 Comments
