The Quarter Life Crisis....

Life is a myriad ..I feel! A dense clouding of situations hovering over your head all the time. And only situations...with no solutions at all. And am I the only one thinking this way ...nops..! Interestingly all my colleagues and friends are in the same, one and only .."dilemma".... It feels like life is ahead in front of you..asking .."what's more?...what are you doing with me?...Are you supposed to waste me like this?"..And then you don't have an answer. Most of us are caught in this trap.."Knowing not what to do.!".

Apparantly, we have nothing less in lives. Enough money for the daily bread, making the two ends meet, and some more, to chill out. Who says life's bad? One might say it's exactly all what is required for a respectful exisence on this planet. But I wonder is that all...For the past two weeks, hardly am I able to understand what is going on in my life. As though I have lost control of it altogether, just going with the flow, carrying out the mundane tasks, without any special attachment, just monotonous, and when I ask myself, what else do you want.."Nothing !" ...pops out as the answer. It feels that there is a vacuum ...a terrible 'void' filled up in the entire life. Like the black holes, from which even light cannot escape. Some gravity pull has the thoughts eloping in the terrible void of mind...and I find no connectivity between one thought and the subsequent one...and sometimes even worse...they just refuse to come..leaving the mind utterly blank..and then I pinch myself ...am I alive???

The other day, a friend called me up, we had nothing to talk, I was just wandering why he called, and he too over the same. There was a disturbing silence, on both the sides. Then he promised to call the next day, and signed off...after sometime he messaged, "Sorry yar, was tired...so.....!" I reprimanded back (donno why!).."Nops, you are not tired ...you are bored!..You don't know what to do with your life"...came back the reply, "Yeah, as usual, you are right!". Huhh! Such a contrast!..I thought, I was advising someone over something, I was caught in myself. What right I had ? We are all caught in some or the other problems, more or less the same, with indefinite solutions !! Someone has got onsite opportunities but not willing to go, someone has lucrative opportunity in some big deal, but not willing to take, others pulling their hair out on social phenomema that control your life- marriage and the incessant hunt for a suitable partner, and the remaining few like me waiting for life to take its turn. On the whole, we are hanging...with a sword dangling on our heads.




Half of the population around me is entangled in the same trance. The other half, I envy, hasn't got the time to ponder over! So am I having more time...am I not busy enough to leave these thoughts to hell and get on with life..they say empty mind is evil's workshop...I wished I could at least play the 'Devil'!. I am sorry readers, I have not written this piece of write-up for any divine intervention, neither to entertain myself or the others, its just my vent of emotions, a vent that would help me feel better. I am not craving for anything either, there are no strong emotions. I see people around me accomplishing and achieving, building success edifices. And I see myself a tiny dot in front of them. I consider myself a tiny drop of water in front of the Pacific...It belittles me. "Nothing succeeds like success". But success has highly eluded me..I feel; excuse me..though..what do I go and mean by "Success"? A highly relative term in itself. Where to start and where to stop? How much is enough and how much is more than sufficient...no definitions! Life had never been so subjective before.

For the past couple of weeks, I hadn't kept good health, are all these thoughts in consequence with that...Perhaps, yes..or perhaps...really there is a vacuum, a crisis at this age. An emotional insecurity, too hard to decipher! Am I expecting too much from myself, am I gruelling myself for no reason. Am I living in an illusionary world, far removed from reality...as 'he' pointed out..Is it? ..Is it true?..Still the thought that I am not alone consoles.."Misery loves company !"

Sometimes the man is not faulty...his age is...they say!

The following article by Anonymous author best explains my state of mind. Handed over to me by my senior on her farewell:

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while wining the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.



But I want to escape out of this trance as early as possible.I want to go out and breathe in the open air, I want to fly in the open space, I want to break all the shackles that life puts on...Yes , I am getting this feeling, though not strong enough, still plenty for me to survive...to survive ..yet another day!

"Call it a quarter life crisis... or just a stirring in my soul" --John Mayer

Life moves on................

Today I complete one year in MSBU...I don't know what and how much does this place hold for me...but I am very attached to this place...the one between the beautiful pink jasmine trees, the bamboo shades, the show plants...the ponds...and much more...I can not reaaly decipher why this place means for me so much....its this place which has been the evidence of all my joys and sorrows...of my wins and failures..of my efforts and merriments..since an year....this place has witness all..

Y'day I became so emotional...asked myself ...there were only 2 options in such a state of mind..and of life perhaps....to quit..or to hold on...and I chose the later...not because this has been any success mantra in my life..neither because it is too promising...only because my concious told me to do so....I felt just felt...why?...no answer..!!...it will work or not??..still no answer...how long??...no answer.
Its He who tells you to do so...only He...I hand over the things I feel I cannot handle..and let the fate take care of...I need not worry..I have done how much I could...in all circumstances..no stone unturned...this was what I could..and I have...in both the battles of my life...I have fought..!!
Miracles have not happened ..for me ...at least uptil now...never even dream of ..!
Still some things you do in your life...you don't know why...they just do not have an answer..they are impulsive, sporadic, spontaneous, unpredictable...and and a lot more...

Y'day while boarding the bus..the song that struck my mind was this..only this...

Zindagi ke safar mein,guzar jate hain jo makam
woh phir nahin aate,
woh phir nahin aate
zindagi ke safar mein,guzar jate hain jo makam
woh phir nahin aate, woh phir nahin aate
phool khilte hain, log milte hain
phool khilte hain, log milte hain
magar patjhad main jo phool murjha jate hain
woh baharon ke aane se khilte nahin
kuchh log ek roz jo bichad jate hain
woj hazaron ke aane se milte nahin

umr bhar chahe koi pukara kare unka naam
woh phir nahin aate,
woh phir nahin aate
aap roka hai kya bharosa hai
aap roka hai kya bharosa hai
suno doston shak dosti ka dushman hai
apne dil me ise ghar babane na do
agar tadapna pade yaad me
zindagi rok lo roothkar unko jaane na do
baad me pyaar ke chahe bhejo hazaroon salaam
woh phir nahi aate
woh phir nahi aate
subaah aate hai raat jaate hai
subaah aate hai raat jaate hai
yuhi waqt chalta hi rehta hai rukta nahi
ek pal me ye aage nikal jaata hai
aadmi theek se dekh paata nahin
aur parde pe manzar badal jaata hai
ek baar chale jaate hai jo din raat subaah shaam
woh phir nahi aate
woh phir nahi aate
zindagi ke safar mein,
guzar jate hain jo makam
woh phir nahin aate,
woh phir nahin aate

each and every word is true....absolutely true.

"Ruk Jana nahin tu kahin harke ...Katon pe chalke milenge Saye bahar ke..!!"

"Zindagi chalne ka naam hai"

The Encounter.

Continuing from where I left last month....yes .....I strongly need to put this!!...
I met people.......people...of all kinds...but never bad....never had I those experiences...those ones which people used to frighten me with...I generally feel that world sees you in a way you want yourself to be seen. And that people generally reciprocate. They reciprocate to your thoughts, actions and styles. Everything in this universe has its own reciprocal. Just like Newton's third law of motion..you can always have a retortion or rather a retaliation for every single call you make. None of the actions or deeds go unnoticed in the account of fate.

God has been very kind to me ...all these days ..I supppose...touch wood!!!!..That does not mean however that I had no hurdles in my path...yes they were there surely...but then its like when God has given you stomach, he has given you a beak too..Difficulties will come with their own genre..they will try to impede your rocking spirits all the time..but its how you get over them. I am writing this in a very general way without refering any particular situation that ocurred. I am experiencing this throughout my life and howsoever, I have managed to get rid of them by hook or crook..!!At this juncture I remember a famous quote of Mr. Vijay Tendulkar, a renowned writer of my land..."No difficulty is such that it can overcome you...for you have to rise about it ..and make it feel belittled...for it should be so ashamed of itself...that it won't cross your path the next time."

I met a nice friend over here. Friends are always there.....they say all the time ..with the friendship days and bands creating a lot of marketing of the human emotion. But how many of them you meet, in true sense think better of you. Very few...measured on the fingers!!! Pallavi has always been a support. I had been in a very perplexed situation some two months before..was not able to understand which path to trace...then one fine morning after my bath..I went to her..she with her cup of tree at about 6.15 in the morning..with a cloudy sky..and kind of chill in the air. I asked her directly with no presumptions..no out of context topics...."Dear, should I take up the work or not?". People had advised me to leave the project...knowing like a very burdensome kind of schedule was supposed to be implemented...I had a tough discussion twice with my senior...with he trying to pressurize me creating false notions..when I could vividly understand he was doing so out of an unknown desperation, unexpressed exasperation and outright resentment....Poor guy!!!...I thought he had his ways to go...but he was being a nuisance to me..and set outright to defend myself..never in my life could I tolerate any sort of injustice towards me....I had the tremour in my voice..I was going to breakdown..but I held myself strong with quite an effort...I knew...I had to be conscious..."That's pathetic!"..I roared..he was taken aback...!!...After my class fiercely I came back and wrote to my manager..."Any clarifications needed...you can directly comtact ME"...then came the reply next morning..there is a lot of misunderstanding...come down for a discussion...he had also been set straight...My team lead stated.."better leave the project at this juncture..anyway I will tell that you can handle the project...but later yu will have to suffer..you are doing a lot of things at a time.." was her assertion....personal view..I dwelt upon it for sometime...was it the case..I questioned myself...then to Pallavi..!



With whatever she had seen in me..over the last nine months...she had more confidence in me than what I had in myself....It was she who encouraged me to take up the work...She said..some days will be bad..but then that is life...no escapes..never run away from difficulties...for they are going to catch you anyway...dont go by others views...know yourself..and I know that you can do better..and get out of the situation very well". She retorted..."Marvelous!"..i thought she is the person who has understood me..has faith in me...I feel sometimes when you feel short of your own confidence..no matter how strong you consider yourself..this happens to each one of us..at some time in life!!..She gave me the courage ...retrieved my self-confidence and most significantly the hope that everything will go well...

That's what all of us seek for...don't we????

"Just as despair can come to one only from other human beings, hope, too, can be given to one only by other human beings."
-Elie Weisel

The Inner Voice

Dressing up for office early morning ....I got remembered what's the date today....25 th June..my memory answered...I knew this date had some event in my life associated with it....someone somewhere I met...some talk...some landmark...my mind began recollecting...My mood was quite ok....I mean somewhat consoled........last week I do not know, but I knew I was a little disturbed; getting fussy over small things, hardly being able to concentrate.

At this stage of life I really find it so difficult not to hide my emotions and stay away from al the anxieties and desperations that life has to award. I had decided to give it some time...but I know I was wandering like a straw wavering in the wind..I had become too obvious and my face had started depicting each and every emotion that my reflected..it had become my mirror. I am hating this change in me..I am supposed to be a very calm and composed lass, balanced in all walks of life, unshuffled by the pressures of life. I had become obstinate..demanding, even when I knew that life has very less to offer, that way....I should not be like this ....some change is invoking me..deliberately trying to nullify my senses and make me lose my identity.

Yesterday however was good enough...rather..I thanked myself for giving the life a moment...a moment for someone to miss me...and realize then..yes they cared..they cared for me...and I was not on the verge of extinction. Our thoughts are different, aptitudes are different..still there happens to be some string that binds us together...I leave it for life to hold this string or let go. I really don't know, why have I to be so vulnerable...but yes, ther are certain thingsin life that you can't take care of..and there and then you start realizing your shortcomings...you fakeness of ideas..and before your dreams shatter away..there has to be something that should keep the spark glowing...! Enough ..I thought...some more time it desrves before it realizes that I am worthy enough....let's see!

Anyway what I recollected was this date marks the completion of 2 years of my association with this company...Nops !!..I don't mean to say that I completed 2 years working....just I remember my campus placement...the rains out...with all of anticipating the aptitude test result...thereafter the 50 min technical interview..mostly on my mini-project..and the 20 min HR ..wonderful..around 6 we got the result...and I was in air..that time(How innoent I was ..I realize now...still..!!!the show must go on!!). It had been my "Sankashthi"...had a tough fight with Mom...in morning before leaving...nothing I had..and then there was Dad ..carrying the tiffin for me..had called Mom when the apti got cleared...and then even then..in my "HR" form ..I had mentioned 'B'glore','G'gaon' and 'K'lta'; I had been too hard for myself...a tough decision to make...but I donno why..I was somehow convinced about that ...ny future was not there..I have to see the world...its ways...and learn to deal with it...face people, situations, and crisis. Being a girl. it was not going to be a bed of roses..I knew..then..I had ied to Mom...Dad..then....I had this pricking in me when I touched "Mom's" feet...but somehow..I knew...it was "Chaturthi" that day..and Ganesha won't put me in wrong.
I wanted to see "life", feel it, touch it...........give it a thought..Alas!!!

It was a wise decision ..I guess...Everything has being fine since then...I got through all the calamities..and being strong enough to face life...I introspect...!!!




Life teaches you more than what a book can..!

Mens sana in corpore sano ~Juvenal

I have composed this based on a programme I attended shortly in my office.

This programme dealt with “Stress Management”…quite a familiar term, isn’t it…and you must be wondering what’s different in that?
That’s quite but a natural reaction. Before going to this programme even I happened to think in the same way.
However, this happened to be a great eye-opener for we folks out here.

Half of the crowd hardly was aware that they were having problems and they never realize them unless and until they face some major….like the hypertension, asthama, blood pressure and diabetes..whatever the root lies in “stress”.
By that time a lot of water has flown down the bridge and the cure needs us to try very hard and suffer a lot of pain.
The speaker happened to be a lady called Ms. Kiran, a disciple of Bihar school of Yoga.Whatever she told , I perfectly agree with..and hope you too might..

Here’s what she put in:

Before she happened to work in corporate sector like us, she had undergone tremendous pressure of working 12 hours, travelling constantly..and………long list as we have. They say software is bad..but it’s the people like us who make it bad.. ..this lady had a tremendous case of spinal pain to an extent that she could not get out of her bed and walk even to the bathroom. Medical dosage and injections with all sorts of modern scientific inventions were somehow able to cure her..but to an extent not more than 70%. She happened to visit a Yoga teacher, ( incidently a foreigner clad in saffron robes..!) who listened to her entire problem, at the concluding only that she had been going through a lots of stress…..this lady(kiran) happened to think that from where do such people come….here when she is going around the world which tells her that she is having spinal diability…this so called “Guru” proclaims of her having stress. Still she decided to believe somehow and undergo the 5-day programme of stress relievance. One whole, they made her cry…and she felt as if half of the work was done..whatever taught in the 5 days …she had to practice for another month…..and “Believe me,” as she said “After that I was ready to climb the Mount Everest”. This isn’t any hype…I believe it works..at least for me..

She happened to take a test of the entire mob. She asked us to close our eyes a minute, take normal breaths and count the number of times that we breathe in a minute. The people who breathe more than 15 times deserve a holiday…and those who more than 20 times need to leave that very moment..she said..I was sad..I got only 13…!

Then she gave some tips:

1. Never compare yourself with anyone else in the world. Nor two fingers are same, neither are any two people. If somebody is writing 5000 loc per day..that doesn’t mean I should do the same. Nor should we compete our achievements, wealth, looks with those of others, cause each person is unique in his own way. And people do like you for the way you are…! So one reason of stress is over…

2. Concentrate on your diet. How many of us skip the lunch just for the sake of completing the work. Then they go at night tend to push some heavy junk items into our stomach and throw themselves into the bed. It’s natural, but it is wrong. Skipping lunch is no alternative of completing work. She also focused on the quantity of food we eat. Our stomach size is only the size of our 2 palms hold together. Out of that half of it should be filled with food, quarter with water..and the remaining quarter s[pace need to be kept for churling. Never pack yourself too much….Always be aware of every single morsel of food you put in your mouth.

3. How many of us feel a headache, an irritated tightened feeling in our shoulders, neck or back..too often. This is stress and we need to get rid of it. She told some meditation techniques and “Pranayama” that probably most of us know..but hardly practice. Meditation is the best possible way to be aware of your organs you inner self, to give time for yourself, talking to your body, and understanding what is troubling us. On the whole “Surya Namaskara and Yoga” are the best possible remedies for a happy healthy life. It is better to spend a 30- 40 minutes of your day for this..rather than spending half of the life in hospital..that happens..! And we realize that when time has flown away. However this should be learnt from a trained teacher, to begin with.

4. Lastly, most of us need to examine if we are breathing correctly. Hold you stomach, close your eyes and feel your breath. While breathing in , the stomach should push itself out, and the reverse while we breathe out. If you encounter anything else than this , then it means that you are not breathing properly..and need to consult.

5. Get out of your workplace every half an hour..or not if at least an hour, roam around, climb stairs, do some light exercises, see the sky or the greenery, and get refreshed. Prolonged sitting at one place cause increase in the stress level. Things like playing a game, hitting a ball, doing things you are passionate about , around half an hour..vents out most of the stress. While doing these things you will find that you are absorbed in the activity and it takes control of your mind entirely…thus helping in reducing stress level.


In the long run, I mean to say…these happen to seem trival matters in the beginning; but at the end become the major cause of your problems. That’s the reason , I took some time out of my schedule and wrote this.
After all,

“He who has health, has hope. And he who has hope, has everything.”

'''Pristine,,, Showers'''

The pre-monsoon jitters started a week before in Bangalore. Last Wednesday around nine at night..suddenly while breaking my head over the pathetic 'Quant sums', I smelled the aroma of the earth, sweet fragrance filled the environment, and there was a shiver of sudden cold, all this filled the atmosphere...One of my roomie screamed.."It's raining gals..." ....Out we were in the open space of the yard...feeling those tender drops of water on our hands and cheeks...We walked and danced in the showers...
It was a beautiful evening..almost night..Me and my friend listened to the songs on "Vividhbharati". ---'Aap Ki Farmaish'...I donno how , or perhaps coincidently they played all of my favourites.
Somedays are so good ,everything happens your way, as you wish....I felt that day was made for me....I went back to my past ..when as a child I loved the monsoon, how I felt...then ..and what it meant for me...

Phase 1:

I still remember the days when me as a toddler..how nice it was..at my grannie's place all we cousins use to gather during the vacations. People would be just relaxing after a heavy afternoon lunch(we children never used to let them..that is different story altogether!). The sun raging all its rays on the mother Earth...and suddenly the weather changes...Wind begins to blow, there is a bang of open doors and windows, the smashing of tree leaves. And my grannie used to wake up...calling upon my aunt to gather everything that she laid in the sun to dry..those papads, raw mangoes,etc, etc. and there we used to get caught..How could she know that it will pour now..I had this innocent interrogation always..but I dare didn't ask anyone on that. Then we used to run to pull papers to make paper-boats, sing songs like the most favorite:

"Yere Yere Pavasa , tula deto paisa..,
Paisa zala khota, paus ala mota;
Yega yega sari , maze madke bhari,
Madke gele vahun , paus ala dhavun...!"

Then we used to fight over whose boat goes far, far and faaar....Never could we understand how the time flew and it would be time to go to bed!

Phase 2:

Then I remember my school days..we used to watch rain from the class window. It used to be an exam time..and Mom would do everything that made me study harder. The lights would turn-off, then I used to study in the kitchen-lamp with she cooking something delicious and I pining my head over the books! She often used to make "pakodas" then and then I used to be allowed tea.(Mom has a strong belief that frequent drinking of tea is not good for health, and especially for children; now too she disapproves my drinking of tea in the office, whenever on the slip of my tongue..I tell her that when she calls me!). Whatever...so the dull environment of the monsoon always inspires me to study, some more..and more...

Phase 3:


Then comes by the youth, wherein you never know why you feel like this! My room window, the full bloomed "Gulmohar" tree on the ground, the watchman's hut, the preparation leave and the pre-exam pressure, a beautiful song playing on the radio..and what? What else does one require in such a mood.."A reminiscence of 'Him'"..quite enough to occupy your mind wholely. This exotic feeling can never be compared with anything else and now I feel its difficult to get it back even!

How I wish I could go back and enjoy those days... These memories turned me nostalgic. I hadn't wetten the pillow for many days...I recalled..and then realized though I pretended everything to be fine, there was something down deep in the soul, that was pricking..I decided to vent it out.
I burst...warm tears flooded my cheeks for almost half an hour..then I felt relived, felt as if I had shed lots of burden off my shoulders, free from all the worldly cares and worries...I felt better..I hardly knew till the moment before, that I had being carrying so much all these days..I never knew!

Somehow I relate this to my dear friend..the rain. When the earth suffers too much pain..cannot withstand the agony, the heat ; there he comes to soothe her..to calm her..Down it pours!

I call it,,,
"The Briddle Of The Earth And Sky ..!"

My Verbomania...

Words..words..words..its the words that maketh man. A man of his words ..a trustworthy fellow. A man of few words..a calm and a silent person. A pen is mighter than sword...words have a greater impact than arms. Think twice before you speak..because physical injuries can be cured but sharp words distance relationships. Yes..words, in any form, oral or written they either make or mar! That's their beauty!

The origin and evaluation of mankind has seen words evovle every single day..I think they have been build by man's thoughts and his deeds. As the mankind progressed its vocabulary increased. So augmentation in the verbose is a sign of progression..I proposed!

Right from my childhood I had been admiring the power of words. Every single word has its own meaning, its own usage. Synonyms prevail but there are certain cases where the a particular word has no replacement...at all. I relate this somehow to people..each person you meet is unique in its own way..gifted with something or the other..all you need is to reveal...to discover and explore people. The more you deepen the more secrets you will find...same with words..another inference!



Someone reading this might think of me as an arts student...dreaming and wandering in the virtue of words. Ya..am unfortunate to belong to this technical group. Alas have realized that I am not made for this. A lot of water has been passed down the bridge..but still no regrets..I still won't leave the pursuit of words..no way! Abstract nouns were the ones that fascinated me all way through. I simply wondered how feelings like love, anger, hatred, aptitude, mercy, passion..etc,etc. would have been described had not these words been there...They cant be seen, heard, smelled, tasted...but felt?...yes probably they can be felt.."Feeling"-- that's what is greatest gift of gab to mankind. Had not been for the feeling we would have be non-living creatures..Feelings indicate life, energy, zeal...and feelings are best explained by words...so words are responsible for life...another derivation.!

Just count on....)))


This week proved lucky to me. My manager wholeheartedly approved of my learning Deustch.Deutsch-the language of Albert Einstein, of Adolf Hitler..and of my favorite Stefina! So I am in high spirits these days. This had been a dream since long..Twice had I to let go off my learning of this language..and now this has been a wonderful opportunity..make the most of it,..I thought! The classes started and I felt like I am back at school. Me being the youngest in the group, sharing desks with many red and green tags of my company..I was proud..and happy..That's my "Pursuit of Happiness". Given the options of studying and working, I will cordially choose the former. In fact I am constantly in search of novice, improvement and rationalism. My learning of a new language will impart me more knowledge, more wisdom, more facts and figures..I love to get acquainted with different cultures, new geographies and older histories. That makes life rich....I concluded!

The other day at home, I was sitting with my friends, in the moonlight, under the canopy of the stars...with each of us remembering their school days..and the topic deviated to poems. Our high-school poems! And there was I in full swing with 2 of my favourite poems---"Home they brought her warrior dead--Lord Alfred Tennyson" and "Daffodils--William Wordsworth". The latter is the most favorite of mine...and the poet too..Wordsworth..what a name I used to think..worth of the words ..too apt for him, for his composition. I still remember the classes and my teachers who gave me the insight to learn language..to identify myself in their companionship. One of those teachers I met few months before..and she called upon me immediately...I touched her feet..not only for she being my teacher and that I should respect her, but for guiding me in the land of vicarious pleasure..the land of words!!!

Here presenting "Daffodils"..each word carrying a unique meaning...and there cannot be any substitution for even a single!

"Daffodils" (1804)

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;

Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the Milky Way,
They stretch'd in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:

Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:

I gazed -- and gazed -- but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:
For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;

And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

-- William Wordsworth (1770-1850).

A Tryst With The Society !

Today is the International Woman’s Day..hmmmm. Pessed up in work…still I managed to keep some time to write this up today…what has been lingering in my mind for quite a while..Men found a good chance of offering roses and cadburys…Ladies and lasses showing off their ethical costumes and fine sets of jewellery display… “Hey, where did you get this from?”…that’s what heard quite often ..on my way to the cafeteria..One more day..in a big list of “day’s” that we have, I thought! These days it has been quite a fashion currently, and in a place like India, where we have a festival every other day, along with the import of the “days”, I suppose we hold the premium position for celebrations..But then they talk of poverty-line and unemployment…oh no! tht’s a different issue altogether…why in this??? Some other day……

I remember a year before when in the last year, we had arranged a programme for the girl students on this occasion..and there I was going around the college, pleading the girls to attend it, with my Vidyarthini Manch incharge questioning me ---“Where are all the girls?”. It had been Saturday..no classes..still most of them were busy. “Oops..My project is in a mess..otherwise definitely…”, “My grandmother is in a hospital..I will be going to attend her”(Same girl I noticed at the cinema house that very eve!..), “I am busy with the assignments and completions”…Ooof!..She could have found a better reason ..I thought!


In the long run, my programme started with some of my dear friends, (who left half-way through for the project..!),some juniors(who are always enthu in the initial years of the college--- my seniors use to say …) the lady staff members and the principal to greet the speaker. The guest was a psychologist and an active worker in woman-related issues…she talked and talked –about almost everything under the sun (related to women)
The baby-girl how she is being brought up, the teens…the marriage, children, role of women as a daughter, friend, wife mother,,etc, etc., the society pressures ..heaven and hell of being a woman! It ended…and I thanked her for making the programme a great success!
Success??? Was it? With most of us being so busy…so busy with our schedules..our roles..our responsibilities—as a …as a girlfriend, as a freak, as an ardent lover of window –shoppings and movies. Huhhh! Aptly, as the speaker noted, ladies these days do not have any time left for “Themselves”. I felt defeated..defeated as a ladies representative, defeated as a girl...it was a sheer defeat of feminity!


They say, youth has the power to change the society…I really wonder what kind of change do we expect when we don’t have enough time for ourselves!
We are not a Rani of Jhansi or The Joan of Arc, an Indira Gandhi or Margaret Thacher! What we are are simple young ladies who can instrument a remarkable change in the society ...in a society where a girlchild requires a fate to be born, to be nourished, educated, allowed to choose her own paths…and at the end allowed to “Live”! Such a contrast…between two ladies--Aishwarya on one hand and the a unfortunate bargirl on the other…, between Kalpana and the girl nextdoor ,who loves to fly …,between me and the mason’s daughter –a 4 year old kid carrying an year old baby brother at the pavement! This contrast is between the different strata of society…what holds good for the lower classes…no better is the condition of the upper class women too..each one with their own problems, unheard untold stories…!


What we plead each Woman’s day…a mere attention of the males towards that half of the population that makes the world? Or reconfirmation and celebration of our feminism…what exactly??? Or a boost and moral buck-up to face more and more challenges that the world offers each day!

You can do anything
you put your mind to...
you can swim the deepest ocean,
and climb the highest peak

You can face adversity
and still walk dauntless

You are strong, beautiful, and compassionate
much more than words could ever say
Today is yours, as any other day!!

"Happy Woman's Day"

Birthdays...Do we celebrate ???

Day before yesterday in my ODC, we celebrated our colleagues b'day. Good Day for him, I thought! With everyone admiring and wishing him! We took out some contribution and bought a cake for him...Yummy! Merriment was in the air...we took it to the terrace near the pantry...Everyone sang the B'day song..he cut the cake and things were fine till then! Then the mischief started...with the icing cream and the soft pieces of cakes puffing off in the airs! They even decorated the B'boys face with all the icing, mocked him, taking his snaps altogether in a mess..additionally the poor guy had to undergo through all the b'bumps!! Some pieces (leftovers of the mischief!) were taken away by us! The rest were trashed!!!by the sweepers.. And the celebration was over!


Things didn't shock me really that day, for I had seen this a couple of times...but then this somehow disturbs me..my mindstarts wavering..I won't be able to concentrate till I put this into words...Why this?..What kind of celebration are we up to? Has anyone questioned? One may answer back saying its my life , my money..my wish the way I do things! Yes, all is true!! But then, that doesn't answer the question, does it? Did anyone think about the sweepers who cleaned it..the ladies who trashed it to the dustbin..what they must have felt! None of us shared a piece with them, forget alone I was not able to see the cake pieces lying all the way on the floors! Probably they might not be able to taste an ounce of it, in all their lives, and here we were crumbling and dancing over them.


Ought we need to behave this way? Or is there any way out! I think b'days are meant for looking back again, revising what all we did the year through, analyzing our thoughts and deeds, learning from our mistakes and finding a way out to be a better human being each day! In that case each day becomes a birthday...for me! in the quest to improvise myself each day I am a refreshen, a better person! I thank God for giving me a human birth, with which I can enrichen my soul..I thank my mother; hadn't she been there, I wouldn't have seen this beautiful world!


One way to thank anyone is to owe to them. We owe to every single creature on this earth; because it is instrumental in making you lead a life you are living each moment. We owe to the society. Give it something that it doesn't have..it doesn't require much, but still it makes a ot of diffrence! I feel instead of feeding ones who are already full, its always worth to feed the hungry...the desperate; to donate organs or blood who are yearning to experience life...



Celebrate b'day like a tree--the older it grows, the wiser it turns...the more it holds fruit, more it bends with gratitude!!!

"PLeas'd look forward, pleas'd to look behind,
And count each birthday with a grateful mind."
-Alexander Pope

Live And Let Live !!!

The other day we were just relaxing at the afternoon teabreak near the lakeside in our office. Meanwhile two of the ducks came and sat beside us...Great! I was on the top of the world...No fear! Innocent creatures..so harmless. One complete white and the other with grey feathers and multicoloured neck...charming! We wasted no chance of taking a snap!! Nature has imbibed all its skills and efforts to beautify the creatures, with sheer perfection, no shortcomings, no shortcuts.

I kept on wondering how life as a duck would be! Every morning I board off my bus, enter the office gate with the tag displaying to the securities..and then I am with the ducks, probably they are one of the few things that I love in my office. Sometimes they quack a lot, screech, quarrel with each other, fight with each other and again get along, everything just like the kids! and then they merrily float on the waters...Wow!!! Life is so simple..then! We always comment on their lives, like they are the only creatures here, left with no work...enjoying life!!


There is always something to learn from anything, anyone, at any time...learning never stops...that's what my manager says,... great! I learn from these ducks, to enjoy each day as it comes, to take life in a stride, exploring the facets of nature.
As a child I always used to wonder how people could harm and kill such creatures--the chickens, goats, sheep, cows??? Poor Creatures!!! I was too perplexed with the advent of reality when I discovered what people ate was a little chick chirping around..a life merrily frolicking on the grass, hardly knowing it won't be there, the next day, or might be the next moment...too cruel ...I thought then!! Who has a right to shun life like this?? We cannot produce life ...so we have no right to destruct it..I felt!! What its mother might feel knowing that her offspring is no more!! In this context I use to always ask my mother how about if anything like this happens to me..if I am taken away like this?? The thought merely was enough to make her faint..so only human beings should have emotions...I concluded!!

I tried to convince hundreds and thousands of people on this issue..hardly I succeeded! But I am happy at least I questioned them, induced this thought in their minds...they gave it a 'thought'... this is more than enough for me!!! Now too I continue with the same ...

And then we talk of cannibals and the recent episode of homicides of young children and girls.Too contrary....isn't it?

"Live and let Live"--A Wonderful Adage!

Prologue

Right now I am feeling the ecstasy of something "First"...like the first shower, first bloom, first first date...everything that is first..likewise this is my first page !!!...My creation...!!!

It fascinates ...believe me! I came to know about the "blog" concept lately..had been wondering what it is and why people are talking about it! I would rather dislike the idea of surfing the net for no reason..and in graduation days would do it only when I really felt the need for it. But the my job structure as of now leaves me no better option than go for it..that's how I found what blog is..and liked the concept. For me its like writing a diary...all these years I have been putting down into words my feelings, my actions and reactions, my relations...but how I regret I never bothered to maintain those papers well...I wish I had.

The blog is a diary, a medium of expression, giving vent to all your feelings, your desires, your troubles, facts and fiction. As Saint Ramdas of Maharashtra rightly quoted--"Disamazi kahitari lihit jave"--it might help me to understand myself much better, to analyze and rationalize my thoughts and figure out if I am on track or not. For the readers it might entertain them a bit, invoke some thoughts and categorize the kind of person I am.

Hope myself and the readers enjoy this journey !!!